Never Bored

So Zeus sees a married woman named Alcmene. Instead of, you know, introducing himself like a normal person, he disguises himself as her husband, spends the night with her, gets her pregnant... ...and then is like, "good times," and bounces. Nine months later, Heracles is born. Hera, Zeus's wife—who, honestly, has every reason to be furious at this point (girl, I don't blame you)—finds out what happened. Now, you'd think she'd direct all that anger at Zeus. Nope. She decides the real problem is the baby. So she sends snakes to kill infant Heracles in his crib. It doesn't work. As Heracles grows up, Hera never lets up. She spends years making his life miserable until one day she drives him into a fit of madness. In that madness, Heracles kills his own wife and children. When he comes to his senses, he's completely devastated. As penance, he's ordered to serve King Eurystheus and complete what would become known as the Twelve Labors. So this poor guy spends years fighting the Nemean Lion, killing the Hydra, capturing Cerberus, cleaning the Augean Stables, and completing one impossible task after another... ...all because Zeus couldn't keep it in his toga and Hera decided to be a bitch. You'd think Heracles, after spending his entire life suffering because of his father's affairs, would've broken the cycle. He did not. His Wikipedia page lists over thirty different consorts. And then... "50 daughters of Thespius." As a *single* bullet point. Because apparently after thirty-six names, the editor just looked at another list of fifty women and went, "I'm not typing all that. 💀" Eventually, after everything he's endured, Heracles dies. (#relatable) Except... ...that's still not the end. He ascends to Olympus and becomes a god. (Nepotism much?) Then Zeus is like, "Congratulations, son." And marries him to Hebe. Hoooold up... really? Hebe is Hera's daughter. Oh, and her dad? Also Zeus. So after spending Heracles' entire mortal life trying to destroy him because of Zeus's affair... Hera ends up with Heracles as her son-in-law. Who is also her husband's son. Who is also married to his half-sister. The Greeks really looked at this family tree and said, "Yeah... we cooked."